Shockingly enough, despite today being a flat-out disaster at school, I'm almost inhumanly calm. Either I have lost it completely or I'm better at coping. Can't really call it...but in other news:
While driving to Wal-Mart tonight, I opened my car window, got a wiff of the air and was reminded of the summer of 2006, specifically the week in July spent down south. Specifically of a night in July where I met this girl, totally unexpected, who was just a year or so younger than me...and I unknowlingly fell in love.
I didn't realize till the time we hugged in her tent, and said our goodbyes. I didn't believe I fell in love... until I left for my tent and sat there stunned. I was happier than I ever was.
Funny how just opening the window brings you back to a time where you fell in love, and if not for distance, you would've gone further.
My mind wonders what would happen if we saw each other again. And then I realize, we won't.
I want that again, I want that feeling. I came so close just a few months ago, and again, if not for the distance I put between us...it would be a different story. But she's happy now, and really, that's all that can be said. No screams for redemption, for what could've been... it's all about being man enough to put the one you loved behind you and accept your fate as a lonely man, who already has a girlfriend...called music. She'll never reward you, kiss you, give you the go-ahead...but she will stay by your side, even when you run off with others.
That's what I want really, to have my loyalty rewarded in a relationship. But we all can't gain what we want, huh?
Crap, I veered way off topic.
In other news, I'm getting a grasp of my friends all growing up, and I'm wondering why I'm stuck in perpetual long-term parking. As in, no matter what I do, I still feel as if I've gone nowhere, made no progression in life. Scary. Hopefully, a barrage of new music releases will give me some indication I've gone somewhere....
Song of the Moment: Poison The Well - Soma
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