day 36: seperation of school and life

yesterday it hit me that i don't care about school from an obsessive standpoint. i care about it, but not in a panic state, more in a quiet, ok-let's-handle-this-problem-right-now-and-that's-it style. it helps, because i made school, school. it's not my life.

my life is everything, not school or music or video games or sleep. just one thing. the best thing i can get.

song of the moment: deftones - teenager

day 35: healing

it seems that my past life is gone. ain't that something? everyone's all cool now. i hope it stays that way.

song of the moment: creed - what if

day 34: i've fallen hard....or have i?

so...for the past week or so, i've been second guessing myself. i've been questioning if i'm falling in love with this girl, or if this is a friendship.

i don't know, wish i did, because this uncertainty is somewhat terrifying, especially how fragile I am in terms of getting into a romantic relationship. i'll just play it slow...oh so very slow.

song of the moment: adema - skin

day 32 + 33: double shot

things are looking up. looking up to the highest extent. i may have a job, i may have a drummer, i may have a girlfriend (!)...we'll see.

hope for the best, and always stay positive.

song of the moment: p.o.d. - satelite

day 31: closer i get....

this is slowly getting better. so excited. what is it? you'll know soon enough.

song of the moment: deftones -lovers

day 30: slow motion for me

monday was a rather long, rather uneventful day. one class, gas, can return, radio show, home, not too much to report, other than the special post i plan to drop on 10/29. working on it right now.

song of the moment: animals as leaders - tempting time

day 29: yet another snapshot of my life

• music goes well
• handling college decently
• over it
• new creative ventures have me excited
• arm IS infected
• surgery tomorrow = no class
• i need money. SVR 2011 is coming in 2 weeks...
• that's all
• oh...i may/may not be in love. will play on ear till november.

song of the day- American Head Charge - Effigy 23

day 28: forever chasing this dream

arm may be infected, projects are moving forward, and self advocacy is helpful...for now.

btw, no job yet. fuck.

song of the moment: korn - cameltosis

day 27: i am so tired.

hard work, things not working out, and optimisim for the future tend to be the key points of my life. making music is taking presidence in my life and this time, looks to stay. something tells me that this time, i'm in if for life now...which is fine.

working with shana is giving me '08 flashbacks. just hope there is a totally different ending in store....

time to sleep....I am so tired.


song of the moment: fugazi - i'm so tired.

day 26: time is always right behind us

driving to school with the sun rising and incubus on drove me to reflect on a few things, a couple old flames from years ago, or months ago. that's why i can't listen to incubus anymore...i'll get flashbacks to what could've been. and then i get sad.

simply put: i came to the conclusion that being single = best thing to happen to me. let me get my house in order then i'll let you in. it's not fair to put someone through your own hell because you can't do it alone.

that's all.

song of the moment: DEP- Dead as History

day 25: and the sun rose

no rain gave me a chance to finally do my photo assignment. finished, and was so relieved. the showing was also, very constructive as well. i'm starting to see a little more of a calmer, more accepting attitude in my demeanor, which is progress that i'm getting better and getting back to normal.

watching TNA iMPACT made my head hurt....lol.

song of the moment: jedi mind tricks - the three immortals

day 24: when good days get ugly (aka fuck you, man)

OK...so let me go here.

The day was great, class was fine, I was attentive, awake, answering, and dry from the rain. Came home, did a creative rampage that was so so awesome.

And then, guess who came back...mr. bipolar asshole.


the rest of this is an ether-style airing out: viewer discretion advised.

Matt wrote:
"Larnel comes off as an asshole as usual, he is a prick at nature so its best for you to ignore his status updates about a musical career that is going no where and that no one listens to. If you want music that can work for you contact JP lime productions."

Me: "Rebuttal: fuck you pearson."

Ain't that some shit. He wants so bad to be my drummer...so bad that he has to diss me, shit on my career, then come around 24 hours later like shit never happened and tell me he wants to work with me.

Did the Edge call Bono a fuck face when U2 started? No...so get this.


If you want to work with me, cool, but ask. Don't think trash-talking will bring out the best in me, it will lead to me absolutely blowing you off, and if you persist, i'll insist on telling you to be asexual and fuck yourself. i don't care what you think of me, i've dealt with enough to the point where your perception on my music and my career that I'm oblivious to all of it.

and one more thing...you mess with any of my friends in one last attempt to get to me, i'll be in your face. my friends don't know this...but i will get rowdy if you try and act up.

song of the moment: geto boys - fuck 'em

day 23: new religon bringing you down

a late post, but it is ok with me. i was so tired after yesterday, driving around MA with my man Abner, catching trains, taking pics, and hanging tough.

then coming home, watching 4 days in october, forgetting to do HW, not playing xbox at all, and finally going to bed at 1am.

and also, working with Shana on her song. the car tends to be my creative home now. all my songs, ideas, now come from my daily commute. guess dad was right about integration of everything.

song of the day - copywrite - june

day 22: confusion, interviews, and the whole damn thing

*sigh*

today was one of those days that had everything and anything go right, yet some flaws. first off, this matt pearson business is pissing me off.

ok, now that's over... my friend and i have made some headway with a future collab....so excited for this. seriously.

class today went well, i was attentive. answered questions, got credit for HW, enjoyed my day. interview went well too.

the future = bright with some dark spots being drowned out.

song of the moment: sevendust - beautiful/allanah myles - black velvet

Day 21: Sober October

The rain falls hard. Harder than you think.

October is here, which means I got about a month and a half to get this band together. I want this more than ever...more than you think.

Now I know what you are wondering, "Why not reform your band?"
Here's why I can't:

Why I Can't Reform Aces Down

by me

• Laura and I, while still friends, can't work in the same group anymore.
• Niko's on hiatus from drumming.
• Brett isn't really into hip-hop.
• Victor is with Dead Ellington.
• Ari is somewhere.
• Dave is somewhere.
• Jay is somewhere.

So yeah, unless I can convince 3-4 other people this shit will fly, it's hopeless. And the entire "hip-hop" stigmata really cuts me off from a lot of musicians. Fucking elite mindsets...

So what can I do? Give up? Write myself out till someone comes along?

Or fight?

The answer's easier than you think.

Song of the Moment: Candiria - Sirens.

Day 20: Reunion

For the first time in months, I saw some old friends at school today. Old friends I met via radio, WDJM 91.3. Friends that by instinct, I became close with, and found really good/reliable to talk to.

Sitting outside in a mild drizzle, watching the entire community enter and exit for hours at a time, while the sun sets is one of those addicting moments where you just can't go anywhere, but you love it so much, you're fine.

I also opened up a bit about a past situation I eluded to last post. Funny enough, I was driven to madness about this a few months back, torn between letting go and trying to make things right... and this took me to get a job where I would be driving around the state for hours at a time, just to clear my head, be by myself, and let this all take it's course.

Now, I just simply say "She's happy, I'm happy. Simple as that." No in-depth discussions, nothing. It's like I hate her now, but I also have enough dignity to not start a war of words and throw here under the bus. Sometimes I wish we still talked to each other, wish we were still friends, still close.

But sometimes, people gotta get hurt in order to fix what's hurting you inside. I learned that the hard way, and now I'm really reluctant to let someone in again. Because I know it has to end someday, so what's the point?

OK, enough of that. Another good long night.

Song of the moment: NIN - Head Like A Hole